I called in sick today because..well.. i just need a few days to fix things.
Things between Josh and i are not going to well.
We really need to spend some alone time together.
Lately it just seems that spending time together just makes us fight even more.
I just wish he would pay more attention to me, that's all.
Lately i have been buying bridal magazines, don't ask me why.
I can't wait to get married.
The other night i had a dream that it was me and Josh's wedding day and i was upset because my mom didn't hire a professional photographer...anyways. i am so silly.
So yesterday Rene informed me that my co-workers like to talk about me.
Yeah, so apparently they all think i am paranoid.
Paranoid of what? fuck!
Rene said something about fucking up.
So now I am paranoid of fucking up because i double check my counts during cashout and because i go over my orders to make sure they are right.
Oh my god.
Ok...hmm...soo then maybe i'll just not double check things and then fuck up and have them bitch at me, rrrright because thats the smart way to do things.
It just annoys me bcuz of what they said and WHO said it.
Maybe i'll just have to leave a random note in the journal saying someone is drinking at work.
So the one place i go to to get away from fights is now a place i have come to despize.
I don't want to be there.
Sometimes it just seems like there is no reason to even be here.
I miss my life in Thunder Bay.
I miss Christine.
I called her lastnight to talk...i havent done that in awhile.
I miss Christine and i's long phone conversations about nothing....and literally nothing, sometimes we actually just sat there and did our own things while still being on the phone :( i'm gonna cry. I am so sad. It's weird because i never really realized how much i actually missed things back at home.
But ya when i called she was with her boyfriend so we couldnt really talk about anything..which was really sad.
It sucks not having anyone to really talk too...theres only so many things you can say to your "mother in-law"
Before when Josh and i would fight, i'd talk to someone about it and blow off steam and now i don't really have anyone to talk to...so I just stay angry and i have all this anger inside of me.
It's funny bcuz alot of the times Josh makes it out to be that i am the bitch when its not like that at all.
I am just annoyed that when he wakes up he turns on that game and sits there all day long.
He rarely comes and makes our meals with me, when we rent movies he really doesnt watch them.
I don't remember the last time we actually sat there and watched a movie together.
The other night was ok though. It was Nicole's birthday and we went to moxies and then for drinks and cake and her place.
Josh was shy for a bit but then he got better and it was nice for us to just be out together.
I really just want to rent a hotel room close by and just go stay there for a night or too, just us.
I hate the feeling of this house.
I can't be upset or angry without people butting in.
It just doesn't feel like we have any privacy.
We need to deal with our problems ourselves....
Problems...we only really have one problem.
Life will be so much better as soon as Josh gets a job.
I like when he talks about the future because then i know he plans on working really soon.
When that happens, we can finally...FINALLY start our life together :)
Well i guess that is all i really have to say.
I am sleepy so i am going to go and lay next to Josh.
Waking up is the best part of my day because it has become really the only time we really spend with eachother. :) :(